Uhura Walked into a Bar
by Thewatcherobserves
Summary: Sometimes the best defense is a good left cross. Read bar tales of Nyota Uhura - certified badass. Spock/Uhura, Kirk, Bones and a host of victims. Check out one or read'em all. Numbers in chapter titles mark new stories.
1. A Note from the Author

**Uhura Walked Into a Bar...**

_By Ma Anders_

* * *

**Author's Note:** _While most women and (some) men give Uhura credit for being competent, capable and able to handle herself - the Klingon scene being the most obvious (Thank you, Ms. Saldaña, for insisting on stunt work), I have yet to see her show her BadA$$-self like the boys do._

_She's a bridge officer and the ONLY female department head. If she can throw down Jack shots, she can handle herself in a bar._

_Believe that._

_IMHO Uhura is _**the**_ best take-down artist on the bridge._

_So here's another set of experimental "What If" musings about Uhura._

_These episodes start after Nero and graduation from the Academy but move on from there through my Spock/Uhura universe. They are NOT in timeline order. If I get reviews saying this is confusing, I'll put them in some kind of order. Only REVIEWS will persuade me._

_Some episodes are K+ and some are firmly T+._

_For an explanation of Uhura's psionic skills read my universe's foundation canon "Adaptation" or either of the stories "Chocolate and The Art of Zen Negotiations" and "For the Love of a Child"._

_For background on the love triangle between Uhura, Spock and Kirk, check out "Chocolate and The Art of Zen Negotiations" _**_first_**_, then "Adaptation" and "For the Love of a Child"._

_These Uhura legends are part of my extended canon in my Spock/Uhura universe. They may be changed to suit the needs of the universe. Consider these drafts._

_After all, the myths surrounding legends often differ in details but not in results..._

**All non-original characters belong to their respective owners. Story concept, settings and plot belong to the author in whole or in part. No portion of this material may be reproduced, transmitted, used or modified in any matter on any media without the author's and/or owners' express written permission. Portions copyrighted.**


	2. Uhura's Pledge

**The Legend of Uhura**

_Bars, the eternal frontier. These are the epic bar fights of the Starship Enterprise's Comm Chief Nyota Uhura. _

_Her mission? _

_To explore strange new languages and cultures, _

_To seek out new injustices, new jackasses and new combat styles_

_To boldly save her crew mates' hides as no woman has done before - or since._


	3. 1 - California Dreaming

**Uhura and the Xeno-Phobe**

Starfleet could make even getting your own deep space star ship an annoying occurrence.

Kirk didn't expect the price of captaincy to include a perpetual smile and no privacy for weeks on end. Spock, poor guy, worked himself into forced medical leave but not before he traversed half the universe with his father on behalf of the Vulcan refugees.

Kirk and Uhura became the Federation face of "Peace and Security" to be quickly followed by Federation council members quietly (and sometimes secretly) upping the dues of Federation membership and renegotiating more preferential contracts for everything necessary to restore Starfleet to full capability.

After listening to the two young officers recount their harrowing encounter with the Romulan called Nero, each planetary government wrote big checks to ensure Kirk and Uhura and Spock made frequent trips to their part of the universe when the Enterprise came out of drydock.

McCoy saved two of them - he put Uhura on involuntary medical leave with Spock in Seattle. With a two-week break before she reported back to the Academy to meet with McCoy, Uhura took Kirk up on his invitation to decompress at his place in the mountains.

Summer wildflower blooms surrounded Jim's house since her last visit four months ago. Wild berry bushes and trees sagged with their loads of fruit creating Seurat-style color dots on the green hillsides. Uhura lost herself in the view as Jim's motorcycle climbed the trail to his house.

Stowing their gear and changing into casual clothes, both decided dinner out beat the hell out of cooking. Arriving in Santa Rosa took only 20 minutes at the speeds that Kirk drove. Uhura walked into the bar followed by Kirk.


	4. On Such a Summer's Day

Jim chose to sit indoors hoping to avoid being recognized and having to treat well-meaning intrusions with courtesy and kindness. The Rose and Thorn Pub served great burgers - including the disgusting veggie variety Uhura preferred - and had alcohol even Kirk hadn't tried yet despite McCoy's School for Dumb Hicks Who Drink Cheap Hooch.

Angel's Envy Bourbon and Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey spoke for them through three refills. Food filled their mouths for a half-hour or more. Kirk and Uhura were about to return to downing shots when the Irritant showed up.

The Irritant stood about 6'1" and massed over 100kg. Clearly local, his booze-soaked sweat indicated he'd arrived at the pub without his common sense or restraint intact.

"So here they are! The HEROES of the FED-eration" the Irritant announced.

The Irritant's shot glass salute didn't alter the impression that Kirk's and Uhura's presence somehow provoked him. Kirk cut his eyes at the noise. Uhura leaned forward to block his view, making sure Jim saw the slight shake of her head telling him to ignore the idiot.

"Without them, we'd be ridin' around on little bits of rock instead enjoying these fine drinks." The Irritant waved his free fingers in the air imitating matter dissipating through the ether of space.

Kirk's attention returned to the bartender as he motioned for refills for himself and Uhura. The bartender nodded, raised eyebrows communicating an apology, then poured without adding the shots to their tab.

"Yeah, look at'em. Starfleet's 'Rainbow Tribe'. They let anybody into that sorry excuse for a military. Women. **Af**-ree-cans."

The last words spoken with snide emphasis rocketed Kirk's eyes onto Uhura's. Slamming his shot glass down onto the bar's oak counter, Kirk swiveled the stool in preparation for standing. As his foot touched the floor a warm hand touched his shoulder.

"Jim, you can't do this. The news 'nets will pick this up in minutes. You'll lose the Enterprise. It's fine; I can handle this. Let's head back to your place. Please."

Protective, angry eyes met quiet, pleading eyes. The doe-like soft eyes won.

Kirk paid the bill and stood up, waiting for her to descend from the stool so he could place himself between her and the Irritant. To Kirk's relief and regret the Irritant let them pass.

Almost.

Having flushed them from their seats, the Irritant took his victory lap a tad too soon. Gloating, the drunk sent one last observation and gesture towards the two retreating officers. Grabbing Uhura's arm, the Irritant announced one redeeming aspect of Starfleet's failure to save Vulcan.

"At least there's 6 billion less of those planet-stealing Vulcan bastards walking around looking like the Devil's own army."

Kirk tensed in preparation for a fight but Uhura's arm extended across Jim's chest, stopping him. Turning back towards the Irritant, Uhura smiled and Kirk's blood ran cold.

"Sir," Uhura addressed the Irritant, "You do realize that your actions could be considered assault on my person..."

The drunk merely sneered back at the elfin woman.

"I'm well within my rights to protect myself. Take your hand off of me, please. Now." she commanded, never raising her voice.

The drunk squeezed her arm tighter. The smile never left Uhura's lips nor did any of her natural warmth invade her eyes.

One minute she was deadly still and the next minute the Irritant dropped - groaning in his soprano register, holding his mommy-loves-it parts and crying like a newborn babe. Applause broke out in the pub.

Shock froze Kirk to the spot so firmly that he barely noticed Uhura's gentle but firm steering of his body out the pub door. Awareness reappeared as they stood next to his motorcycle. Then Jim stared at Uhura for a long while. A grin finally spread slowly across his face.

"Oh come on, Jim. Don't look at me like that! You wanted to do the same thing."

"Uhura, guys don't do that to other guys unless it's life or death. It's part of the Bro' Code. Never seen you move that fast!"

"After the Duke Mackinzie incident, I decided to study more hand-to-hand combat. First time I've used it, though. It felt wonderful," she reminisced, tightening the protective helmet on her head and climbing on the bike.

"You'd do that to me if I pissed you off?," Jim asked her as he released the clutch and the bike accelerated towards home.

"I wouldn't need to for** you**, Jim." she spoke into the ear slots on the helmet.

The acceleration noise drowned out the sound of his hearty laughter.


	5. 2 - I'll Get You My Pretty

**Uhura and the Ex-Wife**

Another away mission from Hell landed her in a med-bed between Spock and Kirk. Kirk's unguarded and admiring look at the village leader's fiancé disintegrated weeks of long-distance diplomacy and set back the Federation First Contact team (hidden in the hills) by a standard year - or more.

Regaining consciousness slowly, Uhura spent considerable time reconstructing her memories of what occurred before she grabbed Kirk's prone body and dragged it behind a solid object to keep the indigenous peoples from hitting him with more projectiles.

The last rock-ball ricocheted off her temple as she terminated her comm to Scotty to get them the hell off the planet. Eventually she recalled her perpetual frustration with Kirk's inability to maintain protocol during diplomatic encounters.

When Uhura awoke the first time, only Kirk remained beside her. Spock left Sickbay first with most of his bruises and cuts completely healed by Vulcan meditation. Kirk, underneath all his bravado, remained terrified of all medical treatment - especially hyposprays. Because Kirk returned to the Enterprise unconscious, McCoy fiendishly strapped him to the med-bed to ensure he would remain where deposited. Within 36 hours, however, the captain's uncanny recuperative powers - or his irrational fear of Bones McCoy and his medical torture - returned him to sufficient health that McCoy reluctantly had to release him.

When Uhura awoke for the second time in Sickbay she lay alone in the subdued lighting with the agitated voice of Dr. Leonard McCoy interrupting her quiet return to health. The conversation did not appear to be amicable - if any conversation with McCoy ever was.

"Jocelyn, dammit, you're being unreasonable!"

Jocelyn McCoy remained one of Leonard McCoy's exes. She retained his last name not because she regretted their divorce but because she used Leonard's sizeable alimony checks to support herself and her new boyfriend - Len's first cousin Colin McCoy.

"It took me a while but I finally got an accounting of that settlement from Starfleet. Over 100,000 credits, Leonard, will take care of Colin and me just fine."

"Look Jocelyn, you and that jackass have gotten every dime I owed you! Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can, Leonard. You're such a **_gooood_** provider."

Uhura didn't hear the rest of the conversation because Physician's Assistant Christine Chapel administered a hypospray that sent Uhura back to dreamland wherein she cheerfully and repeatedly punished a disobedient Jim Kirk for always being underprepared for diplomatic away missions.

Over the days following her release from Sickbay, Uhura routed a number of calls from Earth to McCoy's private comm. Not all of the calls came from the same caller. One comm code in particular Uhura knew came from Abigail McCoy, Len's 3rd ex-wife and the mother of his daughter Rebecca Joann McCoy.

Abby - the ex-wife McCoy still loved.

McCoy's state of agitation and sobriety worried Uhura. Over the next several weeks she made an effort to spend time with Leonard.

McCoy didn't make it easy.

No fool himself when it came to avoiding other people's concern for him, McCoy figured out Uhura had his best interest in mind and made it near impossible for her to get close to him. The added pressure of ducking her compassionate and genuine concern did nothing for McCoy's naturally acerbic disposition or his Tennessee whiskey consumption.

Uhura cornered him four or five times in his office only to have him explode in anger and anguish all over her. After Christine Chapel separated the Comm Officer and the Good Doctor during an epic shouting match in Sickbay, McCoy requested emergency leave on Babel and Uhura met with Kirk to discuss McCoy's more-miserable-than-usual and more-drunk-than-healthy behavior.

With Solomon-like wisdom, Kirk granted McCoy's leave request without explanation but only if McCoy agreed to take Uhura with him. No amount of argument would dissuade Kirk from his conditional approval. The 15 minute meeting lasted almost 45 minutes as McCoy introduced an experienced Kirk and a more sheltered Uhura to curses neither had heard before at volume levels Uhura believed left them both with damaged ear drums.

McCoy sulked from the Enterprise transporter pad to the front desk of the hotel on Babel. Discovering that Uhura had upgraded his reservation from a single to a 2-bedroom suite (and charged it to Jim Kirk) provoked a disgruntled chest rumble from the country doctor but no conversation. In deference to his mood, Uhura sent their bags up to the suite and traipsed behind McCoy into the hotel bar. Whatever disaster McCoy was walking into wouldn't happen until tomorrow... Hopefully...


	6. The One That Got Away

Listening carefully, Leonard's voice eventually came through the ambient noises in the bar to Uhura.

"I knew Jocelyn could be a vindictive bitch but not like this. She got everything - my house, my cousin, my money, my balls - why this?"

Uhura sipped her Jack Daniel's and waited, motioning the bartender to replace McCoy's empty bottle of Collier and McKeel Tennessee whiskey with a full one. As she refilled her own shot, McCoy's moody drawl rumbled over to her.

"I loved Abby and Jocelyn never forgave me for that. We'd been divorced forever when I met Abby. She was a pediatrician in my building. Had to move into a NEW office because that bitch Jocelyn took my house where my OLD office was."

At some point in the recollection McCoy stopped drinking. Uhura twisted in her stool enough to see him staring through the dark amber truth serum in the glass he held. Days of binge drinking forced him to lean on his elbows to keep upright and to stop his hands from shaking.

"You know what I loved most about Abby?"

Uhura delayed answering long enough to confirm whether the question was rhetorical. When McCoy tilted his head towards her, she saw the misery and the tears that would buttress his reply.

"No, Len. Why was Abby special?" she softly prodded.

"Because she loved my sorry ass. You know me, darlin'. I'm the archetype for 'Doesn't Have A Life'. Abby decided she'd give me one. Wouldn't sleep with me until our wedding night - although some of our petting sessions would turn your cheeks crimson."

Uhura thought back to some of her make-out sessions with her Vulcan lover and seriously doubted that McCoy could surprise her. Telepathic geniuses can be... inventive.

"Abby gave me more than any other woman. First, she bought us a house so I could have a home office again. Then she told me she'd resigned as a partner in her practice so we could start a family xeno practice together. I was doing a fair amount of xeno obstetrics by then so she figured we'd get'em and keep'em that way. She wanted to cut my patient load - she knew my work life ended my first two marriages."

McCoy stopped, Uhura thought, to refill. Slowly he lowered the glass to the bar and folded his arms in front of him, chin on his chest, as he sat back in the stool.

"Found out on our wedding night I was her first. Got to introduce her to what it meant to make love. Then she introduced me to what it means to make love. She'd been on fertility treatments since we got engaged; she wanted to make sure she got pregnant right away. We made Becca Jo on our honeymoon.

"Abby gave me everything I wanted - a beautiful wife who loved me, a beautiful baby girl and a great job doctoring."

"Sounds like you had it all, Leonard."

"I did and I blew it. Abby wanted us to have an old fashioned family practice but we were really good together at complicated xeno treatment. Pretty soon I was back to working 90-100 hours a week with hospital rounds.

"Missed Becca Jo's first word. Missed her first steps. Missed Becca's emergency tonsillectomy and it happened in the same hospital I was delivering somebody else's baby in.

"Abby fought like a bobcat to show me I had my priorities ass backwards but I didn't listen... Too busy enjoying my god complex..."

McCoy's left hand absently batted the partially filled glass across the marble in a random pattern.

"Rebecca turned 3 months old the first time Jocelyn served me with papers to raise her alimony. Abby's name-callin' rant still brings a grin to my face. Abby's got a professional temper. For three years I got papers requesting more alimony - always on Becca's birthday. Jocelyn couldn't stand the fact that I had finally found someone who believed in havin' a family and a career - in that order.

"I tried for years to convince Jocelyn to start a family after my residency. She didn't want kids; she wanted money. Told me I'd be a piss poor daddy because I didn't love anything but doctorin'..

"I put every dime of the 175,000-credit Starfleet bonus in trust for Rebecca, Uhura. Abby and I worked it out. I trust Abby. I spent 30,000 catchin' up on alimony and support payments. I took care of my baby girl with the rest.

"Jocelyn hired a forensic accountant. He tracked down the Starfleet payment. She's suing me for triple the alimony backdated to the bonus payout date."


	7. All I Got Left is My Bones

Tears wound a random path through his days-old beard stubble; a whimper weakened the gruff voice.

"I don't have that kind of money. I don't wanna take that money from my baby. God knows I've given her little enough as it is. Abby said it was okay, that we'd figure it out. She thinks I should just give ALL the money to Jocelyn and make a deal to end the alimony but that's not right. Jocelyn's stealing from my baby -"

"You were never that sentimental about me, Leonard" the sultry voice of Jocelyn McCoy purred.

Uhura understood McCoy's attraction to the witch. Jocelyn McCoy satisfied McCoy's addictive pattern: statuesque with ample breasts and shapely legs. Uhura admitted grudgingly that Jocelyn had a stunning face. Her long hair's color sat somewhere between fresh and dried blood red. Her porcelain pallor brought to mind the nosferatu - vampires.

"Jocelyn, is it? Whatever your relationship with Len may have been, you have no right to live off of his successes forever. It's just unfortunate that Earth's court system is stuck in the early 20th century when women could sleep and sue their way to a lifetime income."

Jocelyn gave Uhura the once over, disdain and curiosity warring for dominance in her expression. And something else... Jealousy?

"If you're the next Mrs. McCoy I suggest you keep your day job because as ex-wife number one, I'm first in line."

"The way you're screwing McCoys, I doubt it's your first anything," Uhura shot back.

That brought a genuine belly laugh out of Leonard McCoy. Eyes wide and full of mirth he convulsed so hard with amusement he nearly fell from the bar stool.

"Be careful, Joss," McCoy warned her as he wiped his eyes, "this one can handle you!"

Uhura smiled at Leonard McCoy; his dignity made a timely return as more and more of the bar's patrons viewed the premier sparring match between Uhura and Jocelyn.

"I don't know about **handling** her, Len. I'm not one for touching items everyone's had their hands on."

Jocelyn's mouth dropped open at the roar of laughter led by Leonard McCoy but joined by the bar's customers.

Embarrassed, Jocelyn reacted by slapping Uhura.

Turning to the bartender, Uhura quickly asked for a copy of the security tapes and for the bartender to retrieve the manager.


	8. Makin' Rich People Poor People

Jocelyn's lawyer offered Uhura a settlement she could live with.

Leonard settled 25,000 credits from Rebecca's trust on Jocelyn as his final alimony payment for all times.

Out of the 25,000 credits Jocelyn received, she paid Uhura 15,000 to drop the assault charge and to settle future civil claims. Uhura handed over the entire 15,000 credits to McCoy for Rebecca's trust. At the end of it all, Becca Jo's trust fund only took a 10,000 credit hit. Uhura, on the other hand, removed an ocean liner-sized anchor from Leonard McCoy's financial neck. With no alimony checks arriving, Jocelyn quickly married Colin McCoy, becoming Jocelyn McCoy-McCoy and confusing the hell out of her many acquaintances unfamiliar with the southern predilection for keeping marriages in the family.

Uhura requested that 10,000 credits, of the hotel's 15,000-credit settlement payment to her, be donated to Vulcan resettlement. Providing Sarek as a family reference ensured compliance by the management.

Uhura's remaining 5000 credits paid for Abby and Rebecca McCoy to join Leonard on Babel. Uhura stayed long enough to have a friendly lunch with the (former) McCoy family before departing by shuttle for the Enterprise. The ship would swing back to Babel in two weeks to pick up their Chief Medical Officer.

* * *

The day after Len's return to the Enterprise Uhura received two personal messages from Earth; the first an email, the second a vid:

"Ms. Uhura - I don't know how to thank you for getting Lenny out of the situation with that bitch."

Lenny?

McCoy anesthetized the last person who called him Lenny with a medically unnecessary hypospray. Clearly he had it **_really_** bad for Abby.

"Jojo misses her daddy something fierce. I never told her why Lenny had to join Starfleet. How that man functions in space with aviaphobia boggles my mind.

"After meeting you and listening to Lenny talk about his friends on the Enterprise, I think I know now how Lenny's been making his support payments. I appreciate you all helping him. I'm glad to know he's got folk keeping him sober."

Uhura bit her lip after the sober sentence. Maybe alcohol had become too big a part of their entertainment. She made a note to discuss it with Kirk when he was sober.

"I don't have to tell you how much I still love him. When he finally comes home maybe he'll be that country doctor he claims he is. Hopefully he'll settle back here when he's done his time in Starfleet. Jojo and I could use a man around the house full time.

"Lenny and I have got a lot of rebuilding to do to make it work a second time but he's worth every minute of the effort. Thanks for moving another roadblock out of our way. With warmest regards, Abby McCoy"

Uhura sat thoughtfully at the comm unit in her quarters before viewing the second message.

"Hi Mrs. Spock -"

Uhura heard Leonard's mortified voice in the background trying to correct his daughter's perceptive greeting. Becca recorded this on Babel in the hotel suite.

"Thank you for helping me visit my daddy. He got to pull my tooth out! I miss my daddy a lot and so does Mommy. Daddy and Mommy had a sleepover in the apartment."

Uhura grinned at the 7 year olds' description of her parents' reconciliation.

"Daddy says you made our trip happen. Mommy said to thank you a lot. I like seeing Daddy better than I like DisneyUniverse. I hope you come visit us in Georgia. Daddy says you're a good cook. My mommy is a good cook, too. We can cook outside on the barbeque when you come to visit. My daddy says to say good bye so good bye!"

Uhura placed a trip to Georgia in their joint calendar.


	9. 3 - You Nuts Got Any Guts?

**Uhura and the Xeno-Psychologist**

Starfleet Medical, in their infinite wisdom and against McCoy's vocal objections, assigned a xeno-psychologist to assess Spock's readiness to return to duty after the Admiral Marcus events where Spock witnessed Jim Kirk die.

Kirk did return from the dead but Starfleet wanted proof of Spock's space-worthiness.

McCoy contacted Spock's pediatrician Kofi M'Benga, pre-eminent Vulcan specialist and McCoy's former partner, to get help explaining to Starfleet's high-ranking idiots that no psychologist could possibly understand how Spock handled the telepathic loss of 6 billion Vulcans or the death of his best friend. McCoy contacted Dr. Benjamin Uhura, galaxy renowned xeno-psychiatrist and Uhura's father, in the hopes that his off-world contacts might put pressure on Starfleet Medical to back off.

In the end McCoy was reduced to a private meeting with Spock and Uhura in a local bar to warn them. To the best of his abilities, McCoy prepped them for the long list of intrusions on their privacy. Uhura suspected something worse when the cashier refused her credits; McCoy covered the tab - a man who'd been run off Earth by debt to four ex-wives.

Confronted by Uhura's narrowed eyes, McCoy confessed his biggest failure: due to a shortage of licensed psychiatrists of _any_ type at Starfleet Hospital, McCoy could not prevent Spock's case from being assigned to the worst xeno-psychologist on Earth, Patricia Midlin. Former patients often abbreviated her title from "psychologist" to "psycho".

Midlin, considered barely competent by many in the field and xeno-phobic by some of her former patients, caught the assignment because she was the only mental health expert available with any training on Vulcans (said training involving one week of a two year internship on Vulcan where she offended so many Vulcan Healers that Starfleet removed her from the Vulcan Medical star base).

Despite this setback, Midlin considered herself an expert on Vulcans. She had plastic surgery on her ears to better "empathize with her patients' otherness". Her quarters were legendary for their clutter of Vulcan fakes and knock-offs that she posted pics of online. Midlin stalked a succession of Vulcan Federation delegates until Sarek quietly had her banned from the Embassy.

Few Vulcan marital prospects got within shooting range of her tender trap after the cataclysm. Population pressure forced her Vulcan dating victims to focus on creating full Vulcan babies.

Except Spock, who would never produce full Vulcan children because he was half-human.

Midlin wanted Spock.

The relationship between Spock and Uhura had not been a true secret for some time. Their roles - particularly Spock's - in saving Earth twice and contributing to the miraculous resurrection of one James T. Kirk meant that Starfleet treaded lightly on censuring two heroes from their flagship.

Barnett, head of Starfleet, made only one request: he asked Spock and Uhura to defer their Terran-style marriage until much further in the future. Their bond was a matter of legal and medical record and had been since their post-Nero medical leave.

Dr. Midlin could NOT have unintentionally avoided knowledge that Spock and Uhura were bonded. Dr. Midlin's mediocre medical skills might relate to her inability or unwillingness to actually **_read_** her patient's medical records. Midlin did not **_want_** to know about Spock's bond.

So McCoy informed them that this necessary evil had to be successfully addressed: Spock's return to the Enterprise depended directly and completely on convincing Dr. Midlin of his fitness for duty.


	10. A Bug Up Her Ass

Dr. Midlin started her assessment by making an official recommendation to Starfleet Medical that Lieutenant Uhura remove herself from Commander Spock's quarters so as not to detract from the intense treatments necessary to, in Midlin's words, "assist the Commander in getting in touch with his feelings."

Uhura had the good sense to blow up in McCoy's office at the hospital and not all over Midlin. McCoy finagled a favor out of M'Benga who let Uhura crash at his empty San Francisco apartment.

Dr. Midlin's next report indicated that Spock was suffering transference - burying himself in work to avoid dealing with his traumas. Dr. Midlin prescribed more fun in Spock's life and assigned herself as his fun therapist.

McCoy performed his own investigation using the most sophisticated diagnostic tool he had for Spock - his bond mate, Nyota Uhura. Uhura determined, through their telepathic link, that any unresolved trauma in Spock's life originated from Dr. Midlin.

Uhura described - for Spock's medical record - Spock's daily struggle with the incompetent, insensitive woman and Midlin's daily disruption of Spock's control, as communicated through their telepathic bond. Thanks to Midlin's perpetual presence in his apartment, Spock's life now provided no opportunity for intimate relations with his bond mate. Uhura's increasing frustration with that sacrifice assaulted McCoy's ears loud and clear.

Thus in addition to **hours** spent daily getting into Spock's head, Midlin spent hours getting under Spock's skin every evening - all without Uhura's presence.

Midlin stalked Uhura's mate.

Every day spent in Midlin's presence escalated Spock's discomfort. What concerned McCoy more was Uhura's observation that after each "therapy" evening Spock's thinking became more and more befuddled and confusing.

Concerned that Spock might be drugged, McCoy and Uhura devised a plan: McCoy would drop in at these "recreational therapy" sessions to check on Spock. They would compare notes later at M'Benga's.

By the third surveillance mission McCoy suspected something weird was indeed happening to Spock but he couldn't figure out what, when or how. Blood tests taken before Midlin's morning arrival at Spock's apartment yielded no known psychotropic drugs in his system.

Every evening McCoy arrived at M'Benga's apartment no wiser than he'd been before. They talked through his frustration and mounting concern. Uhura's patience ran out; McCoy's next visit would be his last without her.

* * *

"Look, Uhura. Whatever it is, it's subtle. I have no doubt Midlin's doing somethin' to him but I can't catch her at it."

Running her hands through her loose hair, Uhura paced to stimulate her thinking. Taking a page from Spock's book, she asked McCoy to describe everything he'd seen and heard.

"I showed up at Clancy's Bar again and they were sitting in a booth. Spock looked like he was sittin' in the next booth over; they couldn't have been further apart. Midlin had this formal Vulcan robe thing on so all I saw were her hands and face. Lots of makeup. Had her hair up too. Gave me the shakes lookin' at her. Looked like she was drinkin' a Cardassian Sunrise and actin' like it wasn't her first. Spock had a cup of coffee -"

"Not tea?" Uhura interrupted.

"Looked like coffee to me. Midlin was doin' some serious flirtin' but Spock kept outta her reach. He drank his coffee and sat there while she drank her cocktail."

"Who ordered the drinks?" Uhura suddenly asked.

"I dunno. They had'em when I got there. Why?"

"A hunch. Meet me here tomorrow at 16:30."

"You gonna tell me what we're up to?"

"Not until I'm sure. Dress up nicely."

"I've got more sense than to get in your way when it comes to that green-blooded elf. See you tomorrow."


	11. Wouldn't Leave You This Way

McCoy was good as his word. Uhura killed in her cocktail dress and heels. Waving McCoy into the apartment, she shushed him while her mind listened for Midlin's destination; Spock warned her Midlin changed their destination hoping to avoid an intrusion by McCoy.

Spock's telepathy came through clear as a bell; whatever was happening hadn't happened yet. Plucking the establishment's address from Spock's head, she grabbed Leonard's arm and they rushed into the waiting Embassy limo.

Embassy license plates got them to Bix mere minutes after Spock and his whacked out therapist. Entering surreptitiously, Uhura walked into the bar behind McCoy - steering the doctor behind the grand piano to a good vantage point to observe Midlin.

As had been the pattern every previous night, Midlin and Spock were shown to a secluded table. After a one-sided conversation where Midlin perused the menu and Spock perused the grain in the maple table top, Midlin ordered for them both. Waiting for their drinks, Midlin continued her one-sided conversation while Spock continued to compute the 4-millionth digit of pi.

Uhura launched McCoy from behind the piano towards Spock's table as soon as the waiter left but she did not accompany him. Backing up Uhura's gambit, McCoy again joined Spock and Midlin, pulling a chair over from a nearby table. Annoyance quickly overtook Midlin's overly painted face.

Uhura's entrance could not have been more noticeable. She arrived carrying the tray of ordered drinks and a dazzling smile. Sitting the tray on the table she passed glasses to everyone but Spock.

"Dr. Midlin, Spock. How has the therapy been working?"


	12. Light Her Up Like a Pinball Machine

Patricia Midlin looked like someone was trying to steal her wedding ring. Any professionalism left when Uhura showed up wearing that dress.

"Lieu**_ten_**ant. What a coincidence. You should not be here. Your presence will set back Commander Spock's progress."

Uhura's eyes changed shape to slits. The change reminded Leonard McCoy why he was divorced four times - women like Uhura were dangerous.

"**_Really_**, doctor? As you should be completing your 'therapy', I would think a short visit of encouragement wouldn't affect your '_results_'."

After weeks of working on Spock, Midlin wasn't about to let her best chance of snagging a Vulcan husband leave with the Enterprise. As long as no Federation marriage registration existed between Spock and Uhura, Spock was fair game. Eradicating that bond - and Midlin didn't believe one existed - could be handled later **IF** Spock stayed with her on Earth.

"I'm sure you're **aware**, _Lieut_**_en_**_ant_," Midlin's staccato spat out emphasizing Uhura's rank, "that therapy of this sort requires time to achieve full results. I'm considering keeping Mr. Spock on Earth to ensure he reaps the maximum benefits."

McCoy had never seen Midlin like this. Uhura's body language broadcasted loudly that Midlin had picked the wrong woman's husband to try this on.

Spock stared at his bond mate, unable to communicate with or read her telepathically through her tight shielding. Spock would not hesitate to resign his commission and join the New Vulcan Endangered Species Continuous Sperm Donors Group to avoid staying on Earth with Patricia Midlin.

Flames blazed in Uhura's eyes. McCoy didn't note his own slow slide away from the two women until his chair made a noise as it scraped the oak floor.

"I'm sure the **_drugs_** you've been giving Spock will eliminate the need to continue treating him after this evening, **_doctor_**. Spock's done with therapy and he's done **_with you_**!" Uhura informed Dr. Midlin.

"My therapy does not include **_medications_**, _Lieu_**_ten_**_ant_. I'm insulted at your accusation and your interference!"

"Hold on, there! What medication!?" McCoy squeezed in, "I tested him - he's clean!"

Midlin's cheshire cat smile didn't faze Uhura.

"She's feeding him coffee crammed with _cinnamon_, Leonard. It's a Class 3 narcotic for Vulcans. I checked with the waiter - she had them load his coffee up then add coffee liquer to hide the scent. In these amounts its considered a Vulcan date-rape drug throughout the Federation. If Spock wasn't half human she'd have controlled him completely."

The trapped animal reality didn't stop Midlin from extending her claws. Standing up, the psychologist leaned in and got in Uhura's face.

"You can't handle a Vulcan man, Lieu**_ten_** -"

Uhura's upper-cut to Midlin's chin laid the physician flat out on the bench seat behind her.

"Jesus, Uhura! She's unconscious!" McCoy yelled, scrambling over to check Midlin.

"I called M'Benga and had Midlin's bar order sent directly to his lab. I also talked the manager into giving me a copy of the security tapes." Uhura explained with a smug grin, tapping her comm.

Saving Earth twice and looking like Uhura had its perks.

Spock watched Uhura, his Vulcan warrior princess. Surging arousal saturated their bond link in both directions. Spock's ears and Uhura's cheeks flushed at the erotic images shifting back and forth across their link. Furtive strokes of his hand by hers didn't help his control. Spock covertly "adjusted" himself to prevent cutting off circulation to a crucial appendage. Uhura noted his nostril flare as the scent of her increasing lubrication hit his sensitive nose. The couple had a lot of "recreation" to catch up on.

For the first time that evening, Spock spoke.

"Dr. McCoy, do you need assistance with Dr. Midlin?" he inquired, standing to free up more room in the front of his pants.

"No, no... She's comin' around. Uhura, you're not worried about her filing charges?" McCoy asked as he helped Midlin sit up.

"Not if she wants to keep her license. When she's conscious tell her I said to keep her **hands** off **my mate** and to approve and file those 'Return to Duty' forms with Starfleet Medical **TONIGHT** or I **WILL** file charges."

Slipping into Spock's arms, Uhura kissed him for the first time in weeks. Spock pulled her tightly against him, rubbing himself against her leg while his tongue tickled hers. Reluctantly breaking away before they embarrassed themselves in public, she informed McCoy of the revised transportation plan.

"We'll take a cab - you can take Dr. Midlin home in the limo."

"Gee, thanks! I'm stuck with the crazy lady."

"We'll make it up to you, Leonard," and with a wave Uhura dragged Spock past a bar full of admiring males who kept very quiet because her escort growled loudly and bared his teeth at them.


	13. 4 - Families Are Messy

**Uhura and The Ex-Fiance**

"Spohkh, I need the week off."

Spock quickly reviewed his mental log file of interactions with and impressions from his mate. His detailed, .0013 seconds analysis did not reveal any physical, mental or situational reasons for her unexpected request.

Nyota read her mate and identified his uncomfortable state of mind as worry.

"Ashayam, there's nothing wrong. It's Jim's birthday in three days. I need to keep an eye on him."

"Keep an eye on him? Why would the Captain require surveillance near his natal day?"

Uhura sighed. An honest response would unbalance her mate.

Spock and Kirk shared many similar experiences, a fact Spock Prime predicted would lead to a legendary partnership if they could survive their away missions. Uhura's clarification would remind Spock of the saddest parallel overshadowing both the young officers' lives.

"Honey -" she almost whispered as she enfolded him in her arms, "Jim's dad died on his birthday. You understand why the day makes him emotional, don't you?"

Grey rolled into Spock's mind - the mental color of anguish and rage over his own mother's death. Sending love, Nyota waited for the grey to recede before speaking.

"I don't want him to be alone. He needs a friend."

Stiffness met her entreaty despite the warm, loving body she virtually glued to his. Calm suffused her mind as the mantra they shared debrided distress.

In time Spock spoke aloud.

"I understand, k'diwa. You will have the time you need."


	14. Doing Things That You Hate

48 hours before his birthday, Lieutenant Uhura spotted Captain Kirk's uncharacteristically distracted management of the Enterprise. Kirk waved off his hyper-efficient admin Yeoman Janice Rand over and over again when presented with stacks of PADDs awaiting his attention.

Uhura notified Kirk three times of a hail from Ktaria. Ktarian star ship crews reported unusual hallucinations approaching their home planet in the Galdonterre sector from the southern rim.

A mystery of this magnitude should have piqued Kirk's unquenchable curiosity and provided more than enough adrenaline to stimulate his reckless brain.

Today Kirk lacked the energy to pay more than casual attention to the pleas of the Ktarians for a sensor sweep of the area between Ktaria and the little known system belonging to their neighbors the Talosians.

Uhura's fingers retrieved the best known data on the Talosians, including observations by Captain Christopher Pike. Most of the information was classified above Uhura's or Kirk's clearance level. Super-imposing the data stream over the Ktarian officer's transmission on the main view screen did nothing to incite Kirk's sense of intrigue.

At shift's end Kirk bolted from the Captain's chair and entered the turbo-lift mere steps ahead of Uhura, making sure the doors shut in her face. Jogging across the bridge to the lift located in the main access hallway meant she lost him to the dark corners of the Enterprise.

* * *

24 hours before his official natal day, Jim Kirk called in sick for the first time since the Enterprise refit after the Admiral Marcus affair.

The absence of Spock's heat clued Uhura in to his movement. Both had today and part of tomorrow off so they'd gotten a head start on their love-making. Annoyed that Spock answered the buzzing PADD and disturbed a restful sleep caused by complete sexual satiation, Uhura noticed when Spock sat up in bed.

"K'diwa. You will want to see this."

His neutral expression and tone scared her.

_What has Jim done this time? _she 'pathed, part exasperation and part fear.

_It is what he is not doing that will concern you most. He has indicated he will not be working his shift as he is ill. Further inquiry indicates he has been gone from his quarters for at least 3 hours._

Uhura speed-read the message and bolted out of bed. Throwing soap, water and clothes around at warp speeds she bent and gave the reclining Spock a grateful kiss before she tore down the hall to Sickbay.

"You can stop there, Lieutenant - he's not here and I didn't force him on medical leave. I haven't seen him at all in 4 days."

Flopping onto the only available chair in McCoy's cluttered office, Uhura sighed and ran her hands through her loose hair - a nervous habit she'd borrowed from Jim Kirk.

"Spock checked and he was in his quarters until at least 3 hours ago. We... fell asleep. The locator didn't warn us that he'd left his quarters. Jim's message to Spock woke us up."

That confession prompted a rare smile from the ship's doctor.

"Should I order that new obstetrics bed now? I've got you and Spock down for having the first baby on the Enterprise. The pool's up to 7200 credits so I whole-heartedly want you to clear up this juvenile nonsense with Jim and go back to bed with the green-blooded sperm donor. Doctor's orders."

Uhura grinned and blushed.

"I appreciate your fan support Len, but right now I'm worried about Jim. You know what day tomorrow is -"

It took a moment but recognition and frustration confirmed McCoy remembered the date.

"I'm a southern jackass, Uhura. He got an invitation three weeks ago to speak at the Federation memorial ceremony for the Kelvin survivors. When he didn't respond his mother called him. He hid in my quarters for a week and emptied a half a case of good bourbon. Damn near poisoned himself. I never put the two together," McCoy recounted.

The doctor's expression communicated his expectation that wherever he was hiding, Jim Kirk meant to stay drunk enough to dull the pain of being born on the day his daddy died.


	15. Measuring Happiness By Counting Scars

Spock applied his computer genius and repaired Kirk's sabotage of the personnel locator module in the ship's computer software.

Tracking Jim's movements to the ship's transporter room, Spock had Chekov break Jim's hastily programmed encryption module and determine the last coordinates used. Uhura jumped on the pad and beamed down to Tammeron, a quiet way station known for its amber waves of triticale grain and its hand-crafted liquor.


	16. Time Loves a Hero

Uhura walked into bar after bar at the way station before finding him. Had she known this particular establishment advertised over 100 types of bourbon she'd have started here.

"Hiya, stranger."

Taking the stool next to him, Uhura looked for any signs she could persuade him to leave. She'd always felt a buzz, like static electricity, when she came anywhere near Jim Kirk. Today the tingle barely registered on her exposed skin; that had only happened once before - when he lay dying in et radiation chamber.

"Hiya back. You found me pretty fast."

Rheumy blue haze fogged his normally clear lenses. Jim Kirk had been drinking and crying for a while.

"You want to talk about it, Jim?"

"What's there to talk about? Today is 'Happy Birthday' to me and 'We're Sorry You Died, George Kirk' for everybody else."

Uhura's words carried her frustration with his surrender to the booze.

"You told me once you hated pity parties."

"No one invited you, Uhura. Its my party. Go home."

"Only if you come with me."

"Don't hold your breath."

"Tell you what - we'll see who can hold their breath the longest. Loser goes back to the Enterprise with me."

That got a real laugh out of him. Uhura used the distraction to signal the bartender to stop the flow of bourbon.

"Why does everyone think I know how to feel about my father's heroics?"

"Maybe because you're a hero and you've actually died."

"Why are you still here?"

"Jim... Most of us join Starfleet and we run around the Academy in our fresh pressed uniforms - except you - and we spout the 'duty and bravery' bullshit. We dream about exploring the universe and making space safe and being heroes.

"Then we're up to our asses in real trouble and we're scared and our friends are dying all around us. Most of us are waiting for somebody to tell us what to do because we can't think anymore, we just want it all to stop.

"But a few special people get clear headed and start telling the rest of us what to do so we can survive.

"That's who you are - the worse things get the better you perform. You know what it takes to be a hero."

Jim's silence was broken by a stranger who took the chair on the other side of Kirk.

"Lovely story - _unless you're a woman_. Then you can't get close to those command positions in those short, sexy skirts. No female heroes in Starfleet; that club is reserved for the boys."

The new occupant of the seat hoisted her shot glass in a toast.

"Happy Birthday to Starfleet's Favorite Boy Toy - Jimmy Kirk." the stranger toasted him.

No amount of alcohol could dull the memory of that voice. Janice Lester occupied the adjacent bar stool.


	17. In Love With a Be-yotch I Can't Stand

Janice represented the second bookend in Jim Kirk's "I-could-marry-this-one-and-settle-down" collection; at the Academy she held the honored position of being Nyota Uhura's only real competition for Jim's long-term affections.

This bookend satisfied Kirk's kink for red heads. Everything that attracted Kirk to Uhura - her intellect, her feisty personality, her tenacity, her looks - could be said of Janice Lester. With that body, Kirk had hoped that Uhura would equal Lester's talents behind closed doors, because Jim drew from the Lester sexual well over and over again.

Kirk got the Enterprise in both timelines; in this timeline, though, he and Spock shared the trauma of a parent's death. If his graduation posting was a deep space mission, Kirk wanted to know where Janice Lester figured in. In assigning Uhura to the Enterprise, Spock ensured he'd have a local support team; the next time he deployed, Kirk wanted one too.

23-year-old Janice moved into the number one spot at the Academy when Kirk realized Uhura only had eyes for Spock. He'd gone back to Janice after Nero, looking for something to ground him when the adrenaline wore off, when the cost of defeating the son of a bitch who repeatedly screwed with Kirk's life came due. Frivolous wouldn't satisfy him anymore.

Kirk had been close to committing completely. Unfortunately, Janice Lester's one major difference from Nyota Uhura broke Jim's addiction.

Uhura never sacrificed Spock on the altar of her Starfleet ambitions. To the contrary, Uhura risked hallway scuttlebutt and questioning glances from Academy professors and students to pursue her relationship with Spock. She'd even talked Kirk into stealing Vulcan medical files to help get Spock through his "fear of flying" period.

Janice Lester, by comparison, loved her career more than she ever loved James T. Kirk. She'd finally driven Kirk away with her jealous rant the night before his commissioning. Alternately screwing him and arguing with him, Janice Lester accused Starfleet of giving Jim the Enterprise because of his testicles, not his destruction of Nero. No female, she argued, would _ever_ be given a captaincy after a single mission and lacking a Starfleet Academy diploma.

Rough, animal sex followed this revelation, pleasing Janice but upsetting the man who'd considered proposing to her. Kirk pounded her, trying to ejaculate his own self-doubt deep within her - to no avail. When she passed out from sheer exhaustion, Kirk left a note but no forwarding address.


	18. Not By Chance Am I Alone

"This day just can't get any better. Hello, Janice. What man on Tammeron did you come to castrate?"

"Jimmy Kirk. Still keeping my seat on the Enterprise warm? I **will** be the first female captain of a deep space mission."

"I'm sure you will. Hope it all works out. Can you please leave us alone? My day's going bad enough as it is."

"Jim, who is this woman?" Uhura asked, irritation etched in every word.

"Nyota Uhura? Meet Janice Lester."

"Ah! Spock's sex toy. Heard you were a languages genius. Bet you're the only female department head on the Enterprise."

Uhura _had_ confronted Kirk more than once about the dearth of female department heads on the Enterprise. But that didn't give this Lester woman permission to berate Jim in Uhura's presence. Not today.

"We're a young crew, Ms. Lester. Jim will adjust the crew assignments as he sees fit."

"**Doctor** Lester, Lieutenant. And your captain will only promote women he can sleep with. That's why I'm NOT your Science or Chief Medical Officer. Jimmy won't sleep with women who know more about his captain's job than he does.

"You aren't ready, Jimmy. You gotta have balls to sit in the captain's chair. Yours are still developing. That's why you're in this dump moping about your dead daddy. George Kirk had a set; he rode the Kelvin into immortality."

Janice Lester hit a nerve with Uhura, accusing Captain James T. Kirk of being weak-kneed - the same man who died to save Earth, his crew and his ship.

"I didn't select you, Janice, because you're anger management issues are only exceeded by Spock's when he's emotionally compromised. You would poison the chemistry on my ship."

"I've got a damn good reason to be angry, Jimmy! Starfleet gave you my ship!"

"You've got a medical degree and no significant other to get in your way. Get a life, Doctor Lester, and stop sucking the life out of me! I died for my crew, my ship! Just like my dad. You don't care enough about **anyone** to do that. I may not deserve the Enterprise but the Enterprise and her crew don't deserve **you**!"

Kirk didn't recognize her intent until whatever she had ordered stung his eyes. Pain forced them closed so Jim missed her balled fist when it slammed into his face. His head swam with dizziness from the punch and the bourbon. Disoriented, he couldn't rid his eyes of the alcohol burning the sensitive skin under his lids.

Kirk's face rotated back into striking range as Janice Lester released her second blow...

...into the waiting palm of Nyota Uhura.

Capturing Lester's fist, Uhura clamped down and twisted Lester's arm behind her shoulder blade. Lester screamed in pain and frustration. Struggling telegraphed pain across Lester's shoulder and down her arm.

Uhura mentally thanked Spock for all those sparring sessions where he kicked Uhura's ass. Janice "The Angry Be-yotch" Lester was sooooo much easier to handle than Spock.

"Doctor Lester. You seem to be misinformed. The Jim Kirk you see before you _earned_ that chair. Let me explain **_how_** -"

Uhura yanked Lester's arm further upward.

"- now that I have your complete attention. He's a genius at strategy and tactics. He's a leader whose crew would follow him into Hell if it would save somebody. He's so loyal he lost his ship for violating the Prime Directive. And he'd do anything for his crew. He died for them like his father did. Jim Kirk's a hero, Dr. Lester."

Uhura spun the woman, releasing Lester's arm to free her own fist. Lester's momentum carried her 180-degrees, facing Uhura. Uhura's fist connected soundly with Lester's jaw, laying the doctor back across her bar stool.

In a deliberate manner, Uhura paid the bill - including Lester's - and left a large tip for the bartender.

"Time to go, Jim. C'mon."

Placing an arm around her captain, Uhura grunted her encouragement as she hoisted Jim onto his feet and steered him out of the establishment.

Buzz slowly increased in intensity, not to normal levels but providing evidence that Jim Kirk would survive his father's legend.

Once outside, she comm'd the Enterprise for beam-out.


	19. Loving and Never Having

An outbreak of Rigelian fever on Draylax stimulated the adrenaline response Jim needed; James T. Kirk returned to the bridge of the Enterprise after his own crisis of confidence. Vulcan immunity to the virus meant Spock spent weeks assisting the Federation response. Kirk took the opportunity to seek closure with Uhura about Tammeron and Janice Lester.

"You wanted to see me, Captain?"

The doors opened automatically at her hail. Kirk stood up at her entrance, motioning for her to take a seat on the couch in his quarters.

"Have a seat, Uhura - at ease. This isn't about the Enterprise."

Smoothing her uniform skirt under her as she sat, Uhura crossed her thighs and smiled at him. Her legs momentarily wiped Jim's memory of why he'd scheduled this talk.

"I suspected as much. You doing any better?"

Kirk sighed before responding. He took a seat facing her, to make sure she understood what he would confess to her.

"Janice Lester was a mistake -"

"You think, Jim?"

"It was my last year and I got tired of my reputation and the dating thing. I was looking to settle and Janice seemed like a good candidate."

"We were at the Academy together. Why did I never meet that psychotic puta?"

Kirk chuckled at the language switch that kept the respectable Nyota Uhura from saying the word "bitch" out loud.

"You were in grad school. We had zero classes together. Janice was a year behind us and already had her M.D. like McCoy - he introduced us. And you were with Spock..."

Her smile faded as she sat forward looking at him. Her hands searched for his and pulled them towards her. The electrical buzz stung her hands erratically, signaling his mood.

"I was with Spock before then. Why didn't you introduce us?"

"I thought I loved her. I was going to ask her to marry me."

"Okay. But why didn't I get to meet her, Jim?"

"You didn't have time to hang out anymore, Uhura. It was okay. You had accelerated your grad school work and you had Spock. I understood. I.. I.. I didn't want to interfere with your life..."

Their eyes locked as each tried to decipher the meaning in the spoken and unspoken words.

"Jim - I will **_always_** care about you.

"Wait! She was in the limo that took us to the Embassy, wasn't she? You brought her to the Vulcan Winter Holiday Party as your date the year we graduated."

No haze dulled those mesmerizing blue eyes today.

"Talk to me, Jim"

"I was going to introduce her to you in the limo and then I saw you. She saw me see **_you_**...

"Janice doesn't like finishing second - reminds me of you. Except Janice just might be insane and you're not - unless I screw up some meaningless speech during a diplomatic mission."

Awareness softened Uhura's expression. She'd confirmed Jim's feelings during the Plthin negotiations. Jim, blinking to remain in control, couldn't decide whether his embarrassment or her pity hurt more.

"Anyway," his soft, raspy voice continued, "I'm sorry you had to go through Janice's crap on Tammeron. She resented the way I got the Enterprise."

"I gathered as much. Listen, Jim - I should've made time for you. I didn't take care of you. How can I make it up to you now?"

At some point she'd slid off the couch to kneel in front of him. She brought his hands to her lips and kissed the back of each gently. Leaning into him she placed a soft, chaste kiss on his cheek then sat back on her heels.

"We're good, Uhura. You came and got me. I heard what you said. I don't know if I believe it but it helped. Thank you."

Their old routine kicked in. This time Jim started it.

"It was my pleasure." she replied, smiling.

"It was more than that." he finished.

"Don't be a stranger, Jim. You matter to me."

Jim felt her warmth release his hands as she rose to leave.

"You're a great captain. And I'll kick the ass of any bitch who says otherwise."

Laughter's tears stung his still sensitive eyes. He heard rather than saw her exit from his quarters.


	20. 5 - The Mad Vulcan

_**Short Story Ratings Warning**_: T++ for innuendo

* * *

**Uhura and the Envoy**

Spock had been acting weird - even by Spock standards - for weeks. Irritable and short-tempered with subordinates and bridge crew alike, including Uhura, Kirk finally decided to figure out what was wrong when Spock spent 20 minutes arguing about Kirk's choice of pin-on portable comm units over the ear bud style.

Knowing full well that the conversation would step over the privacy line, Kirk appeared unannounced at the door to Uhura's quarters anyway looking for answers.

Uhura lamented once again acting as the Rosetta Stone between Kirk and Spock. Whenever one of them had an issue with the other she got consulted. Come to think of it, whenever **_anything_** related to Vulcans came up her crew mates sought her out like she had a Vulcan encyclopedia installed in her ear piece.

Frustrated, she wondered - as she waved Kirk into her quarters - when the questions about Vulcans would actually be addressed to the only Vulcan on the ship.

"Jim, why are you here?" she asked as if she didn't already know.

Jim Kirk's "You're-really-not-that-dumb" expression elicited a sigh from her.

"Alright. I know he's been a little touchy..." she admitted sheepishly.

"Touchy? This is a Vulcan we're talking about. Disciplined. Controlled. Careful. Now I can't tell if I'm talking to Spock or Mccoy. What's going on?"

If she chose to Uhura could explain how, thanks to Kirk's allergy to boredom, they'd been on duty 178 straight days without a break - on different shifts, no less. She could recite the statistics that in 178 duty days Kirk had authorized 149 away teams with Spock or herself as members. Of these 149 missions, Uhura could remind Kirk that Spock returned with serious injuries from 53 of them; Uhura had spent a night or three in Sickbay after 74 of the missions.

If it would clarify matters in Kirk's brain, Uhura could further inform the captain that the last time she and Spock spent any intimate time together as bond mates had been 74 days, 14 hours and somewhere around 29 minutes ago (but who's keeping track?...). The differing shifts were a symptom, not a root cause.

The root cause sat on the couch in her quarters right this minute. Jim Kirk, captain of the Enterprise, refused to work with any other member of her staff.

Uhura did all Kirk's dossier preparation. He trusted no other linguist with final translations. All secure communications encryption and decryption got touched by her. Kirk, who hated to learn even simple phrases in _any_ foreign language, would only practice with Uhura. Kirk's haphazard preparation meant he'd insist she accompany him if Spock didn't speak the planet's languages fluently.

She could lay out for Kirk how his absolute faith in and reliance on his Vulcan First Officer and his genius Chief Communications Officer had ruined the couple's love life.

She could describe the sleepless nights and constant distractions when one mate's libidinous subconscious would broadcast its desires during sleep to the other's on-duty mind. Uhura could expound on how the longing and desire got amped so high during these unintentional wet dreams that it affected their competency while on duty. There were drawbacks to being married telepaths. She could reveal that the continued drought caused by their separation required both to shield 24/7 to avoid any mishaps or "conduct unbecoming".

She could relate to him how Spock's consuming ardor for her and his constant war to maintain his control almost debilitated her across their link. The Mad Vulcan, Kirk's nickname for Spock back at the Academy, literally drove her and himself crazy with lust every day.

But Uhura didn't elaborate. If Jim Kirk didn't recognize how tightly he'd wound Spock up, her complaints wouldn't improve his understanding. So instead of spelling it out, Uhura recommended Jim contact Spock and ask him what his problem was.

"Jim, if I could fix what's going on do you think I'd be in my quarters instead of his? We're bonded."

Dawning awareness of what that meant shot Kirk's eyebrows straight up.

"Oh! Uh... I didn't consider that."

Rising quickly from the couch Jim Kirk beat a hasty retreat from the truth of his contribution to the problem. Hustling away from Uhura's unspoken incriminations, Kirk almost banged into the doors before they opened sufficiently to let him pass.


	21. The AWOL Vulcan

The emergency meeting notification would have scared her if she wasn't used to being on a star ship commanded by Captain Adrenaline. Uhura moved purposefully but without haste to dress and walk briskly to Kirk's quarters. Her lack of heart-pounding speed spoke to her experiences onboard the Enterprise - things couldn't be too bad if the red alert klaxon wasn't screaming and the computer wasn't counting down the imminent failure of the life support system.

The doors to Jim's quarters admitted her without delay. Unexpectedly, she arrived first. Spock should have come down from the bridge but she considered he might have the conn. Sulu did arrive from the bridge followed by a still drowsy Chekov. Jim was about to start the meeting when McCoy showed up ranting about babysitting his captain in the middle of the night.

"Bones! Sit down. We've got an incident here."

"What the HELL could happen in the middle of the night that wouldn't have every alarm on this ship blaring out a warning!?" McCoy shot back with ample aggravation.

"At 0212 ship's time, Commander Spock stole a shuttle and went AWOL from the ship."

Uhura immediately dropped her shields. Spock was nowhere on her telepathic radar.

"We're meeting here in my quarters because I want to keep this quiet. If we can find him and get him back here I think we can pretend this never happened."

"Uhura -" McCoy - now in doctor mode - asked, "is he experiencing any... hormonal changes?"

Uhura thanked the Orion goddesses that McCoy inquired discretely about Pon Farr. The answer had to be "No".

If Spock _had_ been experiencing Pon Farr she wouldn't be sitting in Jim's quarters trying to figure out where he was; she'd be pinned spread-legged underneath a sexually crazed Vulcan whose singular purpose would be to screw her repeatedly until she conceived or he passed out - or both. If Pon Farr arrived - _when _Pon Farr arrived - Spock would make sure they were together and nowhere near any other males.

"No, doctor. He's been under a lot of stress - we all have - but not that."

One look at her and McCoy's awakening brain understood that her presence here ensured Spock wasn't in Pon Farr.

"Sorry, hon. Had to ask." McCoy gruffly apologized.

"Spock left the bridge about an hour before he disappeared," Sulu contributed, "Do we know where he was, who he was with?"

The longer the silence lasted the more eyes landed on Jim Kirk.


	22. The Pissed Off Vulcan

"I met with him. When we were finished I thought he resumed his shift duties."

Their eyes continued the task of pulling the details of what happened from a reluctant Jim Kirk.

"We talked about the stress on the crew, the bridge staff. We discussed his tantrum."

Kirk looked directly at Uhura during this admission. Her rolled eyes communicated her dissatisfaction with Kirk's choices regarding Spock so far.

"I suggested he come up with a creative way to get the crew some well deserved down time - especially the bridge crew."

"What did he do after you argued with him?" Uhura interrogated.

"I dunno," Kirk replied, rubbing his neck to release the tension caused by her scrutiny.

"He spent 15 minutes, maybe 20, working at something on his PADD then he left for the rest of his shift."

Chekov, the fastest computer genius in Jim's quarters, quickly accessed Spock's files.

"Yo moyo! The Commander charted our course through every shore leave option between here and Starbase 84. It's all here - assignments, crew rotations, science missions, supplies acquisition and shore leave schedules."

Jim rubbed his stubble, invoking his command mode.

"Spock took care of the crew. We need to take care of him. Bones - I need you to put him on medical leave effective 0100 hours today."

"Done, Jim," Bones confirmed as he furiously banged a badly aimed finger into his PADD.

"Sulu, I'll need you to act as unofficial first officer until we find and retrieve Spock. Sign a few things with Spock's name. You okay with that?"

"No problem, Cap'n."

"Uhura - I need your Spock radar. You and I are going to take a shuttle and track Spock's engine signature until we locate him.

"I'm guessing if he landed an Enterprise shuttle at any of the bigger worlds like Betazed or Son'A, we'd know. So you and I are gonna hit some of the smaller places along the way. Pack for a couple of diplomatic missions. Most of these little places haven't decided how they feel about the Federation with Vulcan gone; we need to be careful.

"Chekov, see if you can get an engine signature reading and feed it into our shuttle's navigational computer. We'll calculate our course options once we're en route.

"Any questions?"

The room remained quiet.

"Uhura, meet me in shuttle bay 2 in 20 minutes. Everyone dismissed."


	23. The MIA Bond Mate Vulcan

Uhura's calm and quiet during their flight in the shuttle concerned the captain. Under different circumstances he'd have needled her about her Vulcan-like response to a missing lover. As it was he just patted her hand and sent an encouraging "We'll find him," her way.

The calm might have been the greatest performance of her life.

Five hours post-departure from the Enterprise, Uhura entered a small hotel in a remote province on a remote part of Aldebaran. Their sensors indicated that Spock's Enterprise shuttle had landed here and in another remote village 2.5 hours away. Without a visual of the shuttle they'd have to search both villages on foot. To save time, Kirk suggested they split up. Handing her his personal credit card to keep their search private, they agreed to a contact schedule and Kirk took off for the other village.

Weird restarted at the front desk. Her request for a single room turned into a complementary suite for a "hero of the Nero encounter". The hotel staff couldn't get her to her suite fast enough, stowing her luggage in the larger of the two bedrooms. The suite wouldn't be considered plush in San Francisco but she appreciated its cleanliness, the complimentary refreshment bar and the tray of fruits and veggies she found waiting after she showered.

She cried in the shower. Their active sex life and her continued pleasure in his company often obscured the fact that being bonded was hard work every damn day. Loving Spock didn't smooth over all the rough spots they experienced, particularly after the loss of his planet and his mother.

Amanda Grayson meant to explain to Nyota how the Vulcan bond worked for humans; the destruction of Vulcan precluded the Grayson women's circle. Had the gathering occurred Uhura would have understood fully what Spock's choice on her 18th birthday had done to them both. Amanda would have explained that bonding would be different for Nyota (as it had been for Amanda), that some aspects would be immediately stronger while others would require more time, and maybe Pon Farr, to settle and cement in place.

Amanda would have explained that just as no Healer was required to create a Human-Vulcan bond, Vulcan elders concluded that such a bond could be easily severed without a Healer. Vulcan scholars - who had only Sarek's rebellious bond choice to observe - believed no bond to a human could be as deep, as expansive or as _permanent_ as a Vulcan-Vulcan bond because humans were psi-mutes. Amanda herself had been advised that any competent Healer could snap her bond to Sarek without consequence when Sarek logically came to his senses. For this reason, Amanda was "counseled" by the Vulcan elders to avoid a Terran marriage lest she complicate the inevitability of a Vulcan divorce.

Uhura had not met in Seattle with Amanda Grayson; Amanda Grayson's experience and wisdom were consumed into the singularity with planet Vulcan. Uhura received a bequest of communiques from Spock's mother, meant to provide basic explanations to be explored in detail at the Grayson's women's circle, a generational initiation for young fiancées and wives.

Uhura had reasoned disparate portions of this wisdom out. What Uhura believed instinctively was that adding another binding commitment - a Terran marriage - would complicate their lives if it turned out that they were star-crossed lovers in the worse sense of that phrase.

Spock bristled at her resistance to a Terran marriage, resistance that made more and more sense the longer it took to locate and retrieve her MIA Vulcan. Terran marriage would tether her to a complicated Vulcan by every pledge that mattered to her. Uhura chided herself for her unbidden thoughts - for the first time since they met in Africa at a Starfleet recruiting event, Nyota seriously considered that having a bond mate and a Starfleet career were incompatible.

Right now she knew she should be leading up the anthropological analysis of the Talosian system; whatever was out there had recently left a shipload of Betazed telepaths and empaths psi-mute. Some were recovering their psionics; the jury was still out on whether the other minds would heal. The Federation had already classified Captain Pike's reports on Talos IV; the Enterprise had the best talent to assess the danger mind-altering space could inflict on Federation citizens, ships and their crews.

But the only Federation citizen presently on her mind remained missing in action and gone from her telepathic awareness despite their bond. Her decision to maintain her shielding lest Spock sense her and run away again left her truly alone for the first time since his lab accident during her first year at the Academy. Anxiety bowed her forehead to the shower wall, where her hands held her up and pushed her into the Vulcan-hot water cascading down her hair and body.

_Spock, baby - where are you?_ she sent mentally to no one.


	24. The Little, Lost Vulcan

Only after Uhura sat unclothed before the mirrored dresser, towel-drying her hair, did she notice the careful manuscript on the note addressed to her. Wrapping her damp hair in the towel, she removed the hotel note card from the embossed envelope and scanned the elaborate Aldebaran script.

**_Miss Uhura - _**

**_Your presence is requested at a small diplomatic reception in our bar area for a visiting envoy. Attire is formal. _**

**_The Management of the Pleasant Respite Resort and Hotel_**

Uhura sighed, tears welling at this complication. Finding Spock drove her choices, but no acceptable way of declining this invitation came to mind. Unwilling to start a diplomatic incident that might lead to Spock being sanctioned, she resigned herself to attendance. She was, after all, **not** Jim Kirk.

Nyota Uhura, Federation emissary, prepared for the diplomatic event.

She pulled her sleek, all-purpose "little black dress" and heels from her valise. Makeup, applied expertly, subtly accented her natural beauty. Ridiculous as it had been to do, she'd packed her chemically engineered personal scent - Spock's favorite - that combined a laboratory concentration of her natural musk with essential oil of jasmine. The scent had never failed to bring Spock to her once he got a snootful in those super-sensitive Vulcan olfactory sensors. She considered that such an enticement might backfire in a room full of male strangers but decided the benefits outweighed the risk - she came here to retrieve Spock; if he were within 500 feet of her, the scent would retrieve him.

Without further hesitation Uhura applied the scent liberally and restored the bottle to its place on the dresser top. She slid the clingy black dress up her legs and onto her arms. With a quick twist of the soon-to-be invisible fasteners at her shoulder the dress fell into place, complimenting her curves and her fitness. With consideration again for how to successfully bait her missing mate, Uhura zipped the soft leather ankle-height high-heeled boots on each foot. Long brush strokes through her hair left it luxuriant and gently curled down her back, definitely a Spock attractant. His hands would find her hair and drag his feet to her.


	25. The Visible Vulcan

Heads turned and conversations quieted as Uhura walked into the bar.

Admiring looks confirmed the success of her preparation; a stunning woman stood before them. Preparation also included tight shielding as a defense against being touched by strangers. Her falsely casual glance around the room noted the hotel concierge officiously approaching her.

"Honored Guest Uhura! Thank you for accepting our invitation! Please, if you will follow me, the reception awaits you in our more intimate salon. This way, please!"

The little man spun and offered his arm to Uhura who had to suppress a giggling fit at the comic picture they made. The concierge bore a striking resemblance to Hercule Poirot in appearance and stature. His balding head barely reached her shoulder which tickled her. Humor, after months of unending stress, relaxed her so effectively that she unshielded momentarily as they approached the salon door.

Mission accomplished - she'd found Spock.

The concierge gracefully opened the door, bowed and closed it behind her.

"You've been a bad boy, Mr. Spock."


	26. The Naughty Vulcan

Spock, standing a few feet inside the salon, did not approach her. Her one-sided smile and hooded eyes chastised him for the chase he'd put her through. She suspected they'd be alone when she sensed him. She was wrong - a full staff stood nearby in sparkling crisp hotel uniforms ready to cater to their every request.

Uhura picked out and purchased every item of clothing in Spock's closet. The dark grey tux he wore with black shirt and tie wasn't one of her picks, but she made a note to ensure it got back to the Enterprise in one piece - just in case she kicked his wandering ass before he changed out of it.

"I have followed the Captain's orders, Lieutenant. He ordered me to find creative ways to relieve the bridge crew's stress. This would, therefore, not be considered being a 'bad boy'."

"Don't play word games with me. We've all been trying to cover up this little escapade of yours to keep you commissioned in Starfleet. It's time to go home."

"As I am on medical leave for the next 20.413 Earth standard days, why would I leave such comfortable and relaxing surroundings now?"

Uhura's brain woke up and Spock knew it. Only two methods existed to get that data - access the personnel medical infobase or comm one of the bridge officers who attended Jim's meeting. Medical records had wicked security. McCoy would wipe those records if he caught Spock stealing them. _If_ McCoy **could** catch Spock stealing them. If Spock hadn't hacked his med files, that left Chekov, Sulu or Jim as the source of the leak. She couldn't see that happening either.

Unless one of them helped Spock pull this off...

Spock considered Uhura's intellect an aphrodisiac. He noted the gradual increase in her pulse and respiration, perspiration slowly glistening on her exposed skin as she thought through Spock's revelation. His Nyota's beautiful eyes transitioned into partial slits, staring at him without blinking.

"How do you know you're on medical leave, Spock?"

A Spock smile played at the corners of his mouth. He had to be careful; Nyota Uhura had sufficient combat training to put him in traction for a week and he had other immediate plans for his body. His uncanny Vulcan reflexes would be of no help while her special scent slowed his processing. Spock needed to misdirect her attention.

"Have you eaten, Nyota?"

"You're evading, Spock."

"I am suggesting that I answer your very valid queries while we both satisfy our need for sustenance."

Uhura's stomach betrayed her by growling - loudly.

"You got me here under false pretenses. You _**lied**_, Spock. I'm _supposed_ to be meeting an envoy."

For the first time in years Spock chuckled, reminding Nyota of his grandmother Lizzie Grayson in Seattle. Next, his mouth parted into a tooth-revealing, corner to corner smile.

_Has he been in the cinnamon!?_ Uhura wondered.

By way of an explanation Spock reached into the interior breast pocket of his tuxedo jacket and removed a small synth-leather portfolio. Unfastening it he took a step towards her, only to have Uhura take an equal step backwards to avoid closer proximity to him. Extending his hand, he offered the document to her. Movement wafted her special scent his way; her smug grin displayed her satisfaction as his eyes half closed without his control.

Retaining eye-to-eye contact with him, Uhura took the proffered document. Her "You win" smile acknowledged the sophisticated game he was playing.

"Science Envoy to Vulcan **_and _**Aldebaran, huh? As I'm Chief of Protocol on the Enterprise how did this happen without my knowledge?"

"You were not Chief of Protocol when this occurred. I chose not to inform you of my assignment as I concluded the additional responsibilities might meet with your disapproval."

"Translation: you thought it might mean more time away from each other and you didn't want to piss me off and sleep on Jim's couch?"

"That is one interpretation.

Spock smoothly placed his hands in his pants pockets causing Uhura to bite her bottom lip as she fought her desire to jump him, tux be damned.

"As it is evident that I did not lie, will you now consider my invitation to dinner? Vulcan has "Preferred Nation" status within the Federation. I believe diplomatic protocols **require** an answer in the affirmative."

Damn! He'd outmaneuvered her, standing there dressed like a Vulcan rock star - looking sexy and creating heat and dampness where he would be paying expert attention very soon. Enough of her Starfleet officer thinking remained to remember her arrangement with Kirk.

"I need to comm Jim - I mean the Captain - and let him know I've -"

Spock's hand reaching again inside his jacket cut off her explanation. Deftly tapping PLAYBACK mode, he held his comm device where her acoustical talents would hear the recorded message.

"Uhura! I'm leaving this on your comm and Spock's. Spock comm'd me and explained his interpretation of my orders. We're good. You're both on emergency family leave until the Enterprise swings back to get you in about 3 weeks, maybe 4. I promise not to cause any interstellar conflicts if you promise not to break my first officer. Kirk out."

* * *

**Author's** **Note****:**_ It ain't over because there's been a bar but there *hasn't* been a fight..._


	27. The Cunning Vulcan

"If it will accelerate your decision, Nyota, let me provide a summary.

"The Captain is enjoying Aldebaran ale in an historic interstellar pub surrounded by a multi-species assortment of accessible females. Mr. Chekov continues to spend time cracking a series sophisticated cryptographic software riddles created specifically for him. Mr. Sulu will spend several shifts as first officer handling the conn and improving his promotion opportunities.

"Jim will learn to rely on his entire crew, as we will be unavailable. We cannot, to use your colloquialism, 'pick up the slack' while on Aldebaran"

Uhura - arms crossed over her chest and weight on her back leg - couldn't believe the deviousness of her mate. That stance from his warrior princess yanked a - _was that a deep purr or a low growl_ - sound from Spock.

"What about Leonard? What does he get?"

Heat smoldered in Spock's dark eyes; he stared into the center of her. He let every iota of his arousal crowd every inch of bandwidth in their bond link.

"If we are productive, Dr. McCoy will have a new patient to over-protect and he will win a portion of the betting pool that Sulu and Chekov operate speculating which Enterprise couple will produce offspring first.

"Logically, any offspring would also be a significant positive outcome for us as well."

Nyota's eye's shot up, searching Spock's. They hadn't discussed this and she'd hadn't seen it in his mind in years. Uhuras often produced double-digit progeny; they hadn't even broached _that _possibility. They weren't even _married_ by Terran standards. And they were still owned by Starfleet.

The outcome he sought would place a huge fork in their career paths, mostly _hers_.

_Mental note to self: More communications and less sex with Spock when we're alone._

_Update to mental note: More communications and more sex when __with Spock _we're alone.

In this moment, though, she had one question - and only one question - she needed answered: How the HELL did he pull this off and how much did Kirk help him? Actually, she reconsidered, that might be two questions. Her gut suspected Kirk's grubby fingerprints were all over this stunt right beside Spock's. The answers, if Spock would supply them, came with a price - dinner with her mate.

Spock breached privacy and eavesdropped on the war in her mind:

-o-

Enjoy their first time together in a LOOONG while

- **or **-

Kick Spock's ass for putting her through this in the first place and wanting to take a baby home as his prize for being "found"

-o-

Without waiting for her decision, Spock offered a third option:

"Nyota, is it not possible for you to spend time with me, gain all that you seek and then 'kick my ass'?"

She turned that 1000-watt smile on him. Out of practice in protecting himself, Spock stood paralyzed from its power while his brain rebooted, unable to read her.

Being with Spock would never be easy or simple or predictable or safe. She couldn't count the number of issues they still needed to work through without more fingers and toes, even using hers and his together. Snapping their bond, protecting herself even if it broke her heart, made a damn sight more sense.

But any mate who went to this much effort to let you know how much he _wanted_ you and wanted to start a family _with you_... well...

Time to call home and tap into that experience-base for having and keeping a mate. And time to find out if her last contraceptive hypo would last out their stay on Aldebaran.

"That's an excellent idea, ashayam. Although I do wonder if I'll have the strength to kick your ass when you're done with me."

Spock's eyes followed her hip-swaying walk to their salon table while his brain finished its second reboot. Her legs in those boots had fried his circuits again.

_I will never be "done" with you, k'diwa, _Spock sent telepathically.

Uhura knew Spock would do any and everything she asked of him for 3 straight weeks.

* * *

**Author's** **Note****:**_ Violence coming... trust me..._


	28. The Unconscious Vulcan

Kirk cleared the shuttle bay, leaving himself the only crew member to greet them. Punching hacker code into the console, the captain altered the ship's logs relating to this particular shuttle. The official records now displayed two short trips to Aldebaran IV with no intervening absence.

After completing the final landing checklist items, Spock descended the shuttle steps with their bags. He straightened and offered his free hand to the other passenger in the shuttle, his bonded mate. Four weeks at her beck and call had accomplished wonders. Spock reminded himself that he would need to tightly encrypt those holo-images of her nude form stored on his PADD to prevent their accidental download and viewing by his crew mates. Especially the captain.

Even at this distance, Kirk noted their improved demeanor. From Spock's relaxed stance to Uhura's inscrutable smile, their easy manner rewarded the effort necessary to accomplish the plan he and Spock hatched to get them time alone and off the ship. Uhura had that _walk_ that told Kirk she was back in top form. A bridge filled with workaholics made morale management challenging.

_Look at her! I __just _wanna be Spock for one day. Wonder what Starfleet did with Janice Lester's body swap machine after the trial? Kirk ruminated, approaching the couple.

"Good to have you two ba- **Uhura**! **What ****did y****ou ****do ****to ****him**!?"

Kirk sprinted the remaining distance to check on his unconscious first officer.

Uhura had Vulcan nerve pinched her mate.

"When he wakes up, tell him I said don't EVER frighten me like that again. For his sake I'm going to pretend you had nothing to do with this so you can drag him to Sickbay. Don't do it again - understand me, Jim?"

Without waiting for an answer, Uhura stepped over Spock's crumpled body, scooped up their bags and headed for their quarters.

"If you'll excuse me, my birthday is coming up and I have an anniversary to plan for. I'll see you on the bridge, Captain."

* * *

In Sickbay, Spock awoke minutes later with McCoy and Kirk staring at him in shock.

Spock confirmed his return to nominal functions to his friends - giving his name as "Spock", his rank as "Commander" and his present assignment as "Nyota Uhura's bond mate" - before asking a pertinent question:

"Where does the jackpot stand in the Offspring Pool?"

* * *

Finis - "Uhura and The Envoy"


	29. 6 - The Enterprise - as in Making Money

**Uhura and the Career Change**

**Author's Note**: _For background on the S'chn T'gai family in my Spock-Uhura universe, check out "Adaptation" from chapter 8 on or "For the Love of a Child" I'm working on my Academy canon, it's just all in pieces while my beta (my first) recovers in the hospital from reading my raw writing. Occupational hazard for betas, I guess... Kinda like crewing for Jim Kirk._

* * *

The Poker Posse laughed about it at the poker game - everyone, that is, except Kirk. Not that he wouldn't love raising Grayson in his own quarters, but he'd meant to do that by _marrying_ Uhura one day - not by nearly killing her and her husband.

Uhura and Spock hadn't been back on the Enterprise a year when reminders of their absence during the previous two years came roaring up to bite the Enterprise in the tuchus once again.

Acting First Officer Sulu underestimated Kirk's ability to cause an interstellar incident. Kirk had an allergy to the Prime Directive - could barely speak the words and certainly didn't prioritize the mandate in his scheming and plotting.

Deeply "invested" in a long distance quadrant-wide tournament in "The World Series of Poker", Jim snuck his playing PADD into his luggage to meet with the сигма [Sigma] Iotia II diplomats - an inquisitive and intelligent peoples on an industrial planet - and promptly forgot it in his accommodations on the planet when the away team was forced to leave in a hurry to intercede in a planetary emergency elsewhere.

Had Spock or Uhura accompanied him, the PADD would never have left the Enterprise; each would have searched him like he was their two-year-old son trying to sneak candy into his nursery school snack. Grayson didn't act like a two-year-old even though he was one, only Kirk did that. Sulu, a consummate professional, made a single error: he presumed his captain actually functioned as an adult. Hikaru Sulu's close friend, Nyota Uhura, could have disabused Hikaru of that fallacy had she been aboard.

The priority diplomatic call from Starfleet HQ informed the Enterprise bridge - in loud, hostile phrases - that the admiralty held Captain James T. Kirk personally responsible for rectifying the situation. A First Contact research team found the сигма Iotian culture COMPLETELY changed after the Enterprise visit. In a scant two-plus years сигма [Sigma] Iotia II transitioned from a peaceful pre-weaponized argo-mechanical culture into a menace to local space. Presently, two diplomatic shuttles and a Romulan reconnaissance vessel were being held for ransom.

The сигма [Sigma] Iotians demanded credits - which the Romulans immediately refused to pay - and a star ship [the CONSTANT demand for star ships by these lesser developed planets never ceased to amaze Kirk]. The сигма [Sigma] Iotians expected the Federation to send their best negotiators. The admiralty informed Jim Kirk that "best negotiator" was now his new job description.

The ultimatum from Kirk's Starfleet bosses? Fix this or lose the Enterprise.


	30. High Stakes Poker and a Bar Fight

Arriving on the planet with Spock and Uhura, the post-negotiation report would summarize the fact that:

-o-

=Negotiations splintered when the сигма [Sigma] Iotians refused to continue while Uhura wore a uniform. No amount of explanation about her critical role as diplomatic staff resolved the impasse. Since the Enterprise's last visit, the gender-tolerant planet had adopted strict laws for females - including a dress code resembling the couture of Las Vegas show girls.

=Kirk lost his temper when he and Spock were forced into tuxedos preventing them from hiding weapons anywhere on their person and causing both of their necks to itch.

=The Romulans threatened to declare war on сигма Iotia II if their ship wasn't released immediately. The ship provided proof of Romulan incursions into Federation space as well as storing access to codes and data used by the T'al Shi'ar.

=The сигма [Sigma] Iotians laced the drinks with alcohol and chocolate to ensure a continued advantage, cognizant now of the other species and groups within the Federation - thanks to the PADD [Kirk had unlocked the PADD; the security software blocked his hack code allowing him to see other players' hold cards in the Texas Hold'em tournament]. Women, by law, weren't allowed to drink.

-o-

By the time terms for negotiating were settled, Kirk's best statistician was visibly drunk off his ass on chocolate and Kirk wasn't in much better shape due to an allergy to the spelt grain used to make the planet's liquor (if it could be called that). The hooch was loaded with both offending substances.

By mutual agreement it would all be decided with a poker game; Uhura would play for the Federation.

Uhura strutted into the bar, hips swaying, in that Vegas showgirl outfit they forced her to wear and fried the brains of half the patrons - male and female. Women on сигма [Sigma] Iotia II didn't play poker; they also weren't allowed to have money in their own names any more. The planetary government salivated at destroying the woman playing for the Federation.

It took days but the best poker player on the Enterprise (and the strongest telepath and empath in known space) won it all - the negotiations, all planetary property, the heads of government (as 100-year indentured servants under Federation control), the Romulan ship and freedom for all.

They just had to get off the planet alive.

Kirk swung at the first 12 muscle men who came at them, being the most experienced in winning a fight when drunk off your ass. Chocolate marred Spock's normal efficiency: for every four Vulcan nerve pinches he tried, 2.4385733961232967 thugs hit the carpet. Spock's ability to calculate that ratio indicated the exertion served as detox. Uhura, unencumbered by real clothing, laid waste with Dim Mak moves even Spock hadn't seen. Bodies flew away from her at a record pace for a bar fight - even by Uhura standards.

The сигма [Sigma] Iotian goons were pretty tolerant of getting their asses kicked by Kirk and Spock, but a woman who'd just won their planet and its government now dropped more bodies per minute than her compatriots. The сигма [Sigma] Iotians had enough; it was time, in their minds, to apply some serious "lumber" to the problem.

The projectile weapons caused a substantial number of injuries. Kirk left with the ambassadors and missed the worst of it. Uhura and Spock covered their beam-out with weapons hastily taken from сигма [Sigma] Iotian "security" - after nerve-pinches from Spock and Uhura.

Spock took a heart shot - except, because he wasn't completely human, it turned into a really painful muscle shot - and a few shots in the extremities trying to cover Uhura's return to the Enterprise.

The сигма [Sigma] Iotians saved their worst violence for Uhura, the woman who cleaned out their pirate spoils, their planetary treasury and their government. She took small caliber slugs to major parts of her scantily clad body before Scotty got her and Spock out.

The conversation Uhura had with Kirk after she left surgery and regained consciousness could be heard on the bridge without amplification, although Sulu piped her tirade to a few discrete comm consoles on closed caption once he knew she would recover.

She gave the Captain an ultimatum:

Either he get her family back to Earth for a three-month all-expenses-paid recuperation visit or she would resign Starfleet and take her husband and son with her - leaving Kirk without his First Officer, his Science Officer, his Chief Communications Officer, his Chief of Protocol and the little boy who mattered more to Jim Kirk than anyone else in the universe.

As the boy, Grayson, could not be replaced in Jim's heart, Kirk caved. All his tournament winnings would be signed over to Uhura to pay for the trip.

They left the ship within an hour of Uhura's release from Sick Bay weeks later for the Uhura compound.


	31. Change of Venue

N'Kia "Bibi [Grandmother]" Uhura, Nyota's irrepressible grandmother, passed on into immortality shortly after Grayson's second birthday. Spock's work on New Vulcan and its aftermath delayed an important ritual within Clan Uhura requiring his and Nyota's presence.

Bibi had enjoyed her great-grandson when Spock and Uhura were married by the Uhura clan elders on Earth. Grayson started and ended each day in Bibi's experienced arms. Baby Grayson discerned the secret Uhura gift of psionic skills - Bibi, an Uhura on both sides of the family, possessed telekinetic telepathy. Grayson spoke telepathically to her in their own language everyday during his parents' honeymoon.

This trip Spock officially received his clan membership, gifted to him by Bibi and his father-in-law Benjamin Uhura, for his heroic rescue of Earth and of Nyota.

Spock also sat with the clan for the reading of Bibi's will. After the will's instructions for the transition of clan leadership and trust funds for her great-grandchildren (all boys, so far), a special bequest shocked Spock into full attentiveness.

Bibi bequeathed her family homestead, where she had raised her own children, to Spock.

Concerned that the property stay within the clan, Spock attempted to negotiate its return to Bibi's estate. The smiles of Benjamin and Edward Uhura told him he had missed something. Edward - Nyota's brother and the head of the family's law firm - explained that the homestead remained part of the family trust because Spock belonged to the clan. By clan rights of survivorship, Spock's eldest would inherit when he passed on.

After several rounds of the Uhura homemade brew that contained undisclosed amounts of cacao, the men of the clan - including Grayson - retired to Benjamin's home to discuss management of the clan's businesses. Nyota kissed Spock and Grayson and retired to bed in their new home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Spock had their luggage and travel packages transferred to Africa before they left the Enterprise. Coming home to Africa continued to be a simple packing experience; shorts, tops, boots with socks, two nice outfits with shoes, swimwear and underwear were all that was required, supplemented by their hiking and camping gear.

Edward had Bibi's house freshened before their arrival. Their luggage sat in the home waiting for Uhura to unpack.

In less than half a day the ranch style house operated like they lived there daily. The huge master bedroom (with an equally enormous custom made bed) sat near the kitchen with wall-to-wall, ceiling-to-floor glass doors leading to the wrap-around porch. A nursery sat off the master bedroom through an adjoining door. Because of the nursery's proximity, the master bedroom had been sound-proofed.

By their second day Uhura kids and teenagers began to visit daily, often spending the night in one of the six other bedrooms. Nyota spent afternoons with the other wives and mothers on the compound. With the heat of the day concentrated in the early afternoons, kids often napped while moms enjoyed quiet discussion and cool drinks on the porches all of the clan housing provided.

More often than not, Spock and Nyota's home became the "hang-out" house.

By week two they had weekly mikusanyiko ya [gatherings] at Nyota and Spock's place. Spock found that he enjoyed hosting such events with guests who embraced him as family. For years in San Francisco children stared at him as something alien. Now his many nephews of all ages begged to be held, hugged, picked up, played with and fed by Spock.

By week three they had a routine that included movie nights for Grayson and whichever cousins were spending the night, swimming time at her parents' pool (after the snakes and insects were skimmed out), lesson time with Uncle-Spock-the-Genius for the older children working on school or personal projects and oral tradition nights when clan elders told stories of the Uhuras. Spock listened carefully to these oral traditions as he had his own hypotheses about the Uhuras and their unusual gifts.


	32. Vacation Syndrome-induced Career Change

Today, three boys napped deeply in the afternoon heat on the porch in a shared hammock under a solar porch fan. Grayson and Edward's two youngest children played and ate themselves into exhaustion. Nyota curled into Spock's lap on a swing under a second fan at the other end of the porch.

Beyond the porch, Uhura looked over the two gardens. She'd received special permission to grow vegetable species native to Vulcan. After three weeks here, the veggie varieties she'd planted were almost ready to harvest.

_This is nice. Kids asleep on the porch. The two of us not getting shot at. Not getting patched up in Sickbay. Not watching the other one get patched up._

_That is the nature of exploration, Nyota. No amount of preparation can anticipate every possible outcome._

_Look at them, Spohkh. The boys are having the time of their lives just being kids. Grayson's so happy to have someone to play with everyday._

She quieted but she wasn't done.

_I didn't think about that when I got pregnant..._

_Grayson is not lonely, Nyota._

_I know, I know... But it's not like our childhoods, is it?_

Spock did not consider his Vulcan childhood similar to this experience. At times he did not consider his Vulcan childhood a childhood at all. He'd moved around a lot before Sarek based the family on Vulcan for Spock's schooling. Little fun or friendship or love occurred during his schooling on Vulcan - vacations with his human grandparents and cousins in Seattle being the notable exception.

_Are you ovulating, Nyota?_

Raising up, she stared directly at him, her look aiming for the "OFF" switch on his spinal cord.

_Why would you ask that!?_

_Because I noted during our time at the Academy that your nesting behaviors were most pronounced during ovulation. I am sure you are aware of the biological advantage of that response in procreation. Your desire to -_

_Spock! I'm not ovulating - a process over which I have control, as you know. And you could've checked that yourself. It's that last away mission. Jim is Grayson's legal guardian if something happens to us. Grayson could have lost all three of us on that mission. I'm just wondering if raising a family on a star ship is such a good idea. That house Jim owns north of San Francisco? He bought it while we were at the Academy because he doesn't believe in raising a family in space. Look what he suffered through after George Kirk died. I never thought about it before this last mission. We could've both died. It isn't fair to..._

Behind tight shielding, Spock began evaluating her receptivity to opening a restaurant in San Francisco. His analyses indicated their family wasn't complete; Nyota would want a daughter before they sought more permanent contraceptive choices. Commuting to San Francisco would take no more than an Earth hour each way.

_Are you ready to conceive another offspring, k'diwa?_

_I'm thinking about it. I thought I had decided until сигма Iotia II._

_You are not yet 25, Nyota. We have time, now that we know we need not get medical assistance._

Spock patiently waited out her mental silence.

_I know you've been considering working on Earth. Did you contact the Academy?_

_I have not. I would not pursue that course without discussing it with you. You would, as your father says, skin me alive._

_I hate to admit it but I've enjoyed being here for you and Grayson. Just keeping house for my guys._

_Your brilliant mind and athletic body would get bored. This respite is provoking 'Vacation Syndrome'._

Her puzzlement prodded Spock to clarify his statement. Outside of childhood family vacations, his workaholic wife did not know how to vacation. They were enjoying their first real vacation since their honeymoon.

_Vacation Syndrome occurs when a restorative activity in a pleasing locale causes the stressed vacationer to rethink their present life choices, to consider a significant life change._

_You think that's why I want to get pregnant again?_

_No, the most probable reason for your desire to have more children is Uhura's have large famiies. I think that Vacation Syndrome may explain why you want to end your enviable Star Fleet career and move back to the Uhura compound._

_Our *house*, Spock. Bibi [grandmother] left the *house* to *you*. You're the only non-Uhura male to inherit in clan history._

_I am an Uhura. My name is in the clan scroll._

_Skip the technicalities. You know what I mean. She really loved you._

_She loved the fact that I ate her cooking with relish and that we stopped sleeping in separate bedrooms so I could successfully impregnate you. _

Jim sent photos to her family throughout her pregnancy without her knowledge. She'd thank him for that when they got back.

_We have a house and a growing family, ashayam. Should we stay?_

_I suggest we enjoy this vacation for the next 10.391 Earth weeks then return to the Enterprise. If after an equivalent time you wish to relocate to *our house*, I will support that decision._


	33. Another Nameless Bar in Space

It didn't matter that it wasn't Jim's fault, extricating their captain and other crew mates still involved transporting into a bar and fighting their way to a new transport location.

While Spock and a few other crewmen would even up the odds, Uhura got the unenviable task of making up with the locals presently pounding on Kirk, Sulu, Chekov and Cupcake. Why Jim couldn't be satisfied with celebrating Chekov's birthday on the Enterprise still frustrated Uhura. She had a feeling it had to do with the bar's exotic sexbots.

Unlike сигма [Sigma] Iotia, no one was shooting projectiles at them. Instead, the Enterprise crew got bombarded with tazer-like energy bursts. Thanks to slight differences in neuro-anatomy between the locals and the Enterprise's human crew, the weapons led to paralyzing episodes of laughter as the neurological "tickle" response got stimulated - that is, for everyone but Spock. Spock experienced a neural effect akin to scraping nails across a blackboard. The locals in the bar grew incensed, incorrectly concluding that the Star Fleet crew was _laughing_ at them.

The First Officer's neural irritation expedited the end of the altercation. Spock dropped combatants at a rate almost equal to Uhura's normal production. With the conflict well in hand, Uhura moved on to smoothing the ruffled feathers, mostly by handing out Federation credit vouchers or the promise of access to Federation opportunities. As only she and Spock spoke the planet's native language (although all the bar combatants spoke Fed. Standard profanity and insults), Kirk herded the remaining crew back to the ship for medical treatment caused by prolonged laughing fits.

Uhura'd just revived one of the planet's council members (who Chekov decked by accident) when a small gaggle of drunk, brainless adolescent males took umbrage at the "advantages" the Federation had in the fight (said advantages coming down to being **trained** to fight).

Through their bond Spock suggested a course of action and Uhura nodded in consent.

_Our captain seems unable to avoid conflict during away missions._

Spock nerve pinched the boy who swung at him, catching the kid's falling body and laying it gently on the floor out of the way.

_That's what happens when you give a kid a star ship to play with._

Uhura unintentionally tagged an energetic young man in a reproductively tender location. She had no idea something that delicate could be stored in a male's chin.

_Have you given our discussion about Earth any consideration? I would think the present circumstances might motivate such thoughts._

_I have been thinking a lot about moving back to Earth... to our house -_

Uhura tagged the next boy twice, spun him and nerve pinched him where Spock could catch him.

_- and I think for now -_

Spock redirected his young attacker's momentum in Uhura's direction and she dropped him in a single move. The boy crumpled like a hot air ballon with a hole in it.

_I'd rather stay on the Enterprise. I really missed this._

With the bar situation mopped up, she returned to the Council Member and made an appointment for the next local day to discuss Federation purchases of the planet's raw metals. With a quick scan to ensure their exit would not be ambushed, she took Spock's arm.

As the grey sparkle of the transporter beam dematerialized them, Uhura heard a mental chuckle followed by smug words.

_As I predicted, k'diwa._

* * *

_finis - _Uhura and the Career Change


End file.
